


Bold Of You To Assume It's Not Official Merch

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Implied Open Relationship/Polyamory, Multi, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:20:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27738301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Awful taste in clothing, the both of them. Unfortunately, it extends to lingerie.
Relationships: Terezi Pyrope/Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Kudos: 7
Collections: Anonymous, Unofficial FFA Anon Collection





	Bold Of You To Assume It's Not Official Merch

"Oh my god."  
  
Terezi winks one burnt-red eye, and waggles her hips a little for show. "I like it. Fruity!"  
  
"Hey, can't judge a man for having some taste, can you?" Dave reclines on the bed where he's been waiting for the both of them, and gestures to his boxers with a flourish.  
  
Karkat don't know how much Dave must have paid to commission these particular crimes against all sentient life with eyes, but he wonders if those unlucky assholes knew their client was the Knight of Time himself, or if they fell back on cognitive dissonance and blissful ignorance for the sake of their own sanity. Either way, he envies them for being able to wash their hands of the finished product.  
  
"I'm not fucking you with those on," Karkat announces.  
  
Dave thrusts his hips unsubtly, so the printed face of Hella Jeff appears to bounce at his crotch. "Well, you gotta take them off first."  
  
Behind Karkat, Terezi lets out a sharp burst of laughter, like a small cackling explosive. Then she steps forward, past him, and leans a knee into the mattress, bending over Dave to take an exaggerated sniff. "Hmm... blueberry, cherry, _and_ banana! You've got a whole smoothie down there." She casts a meaningful look in Karkat's direction, and licks her lips, while Dave huffs out a laugh of his own. "Mister Vantas, permission to take a taste of your lovely husband?"  
  
"Get rid of the goddamn boxers, and we'll talk."  
  
"That's the plan," says Dave, smug-faced, because he has apparently decided this evening is best spent setting up punchlines for Karkat's dumb face to walk into.  
  
He sighs, and puts his head in his hands. "Dave, I love you, but I would literally sooner throw myself into the plasma-shitting orifices of the green sun than have Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff watching us fuck."  
  
(He says nothing about Terezi's lime-and-orange striped bra with the teal trim. She may be a lost cause, but at least nothing she wears has a _face_.)


End file.
